How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I’m a woman who loves to have a LOT of sex, multiple times a day being ideal. My current partner is super on board with this and we are very compatible.
However, after sex, I tend to feel very fuzzy and out of it for a while. This has always happened throughout my sexually mature life. I thought this would go away once I had a long-term, healthy relationship that sexually satisfies me, as I do now, but it still happens a lot. If I spend a weekend with my partner it can be very hard to get back into work mode on Monday because of my post-sex haze. I love having tons of sex when I see my partner and feel great about my libido overall, but I also feel like the haziness can be disruptive to my regular life. What can I do to manage this and better “integrate” sex into my day-to-day?
—Actually Hot and Bothered
Dear Actually Hot and Bothered,
Aaaah, the sex-drunk hangover—we explored this phenomenon in a recent column, so you might want to check out that conversation. There’s something called post orgasmic illness syndrome which can bring concentration difficulties and other aspects of cognitive dysfunction, though this is rare—and usually documented in men. My theory, in case you don’t read the link, is that women simply don’t see it as a problem they’d report to a doctor, and in the rare cases they do, they don’t get the same medical attention. So, regardless of your gender and sex, do try speaking with your doctor.
I have a feeling you aren’t going to like my interim suggestion: Stop the sex on Saturday so you can use Sunday to recover before you have to work. Or, though this might seem wildly impractical, find a job that accommodates your being foggy from getting frisky. They don’t need to know the particulars, just that you’re not your best at the start of the week. Other than that, all I can suggest is doing everything else you can to keep a clear head (no getting alcohol-drunk), and throwing coffee down your throat until your brain is back online on Monday mornings.
—Stoya
More Advice From Slate
I am a straight lady in my mid-30s, and over the past year, I’ve gotten close to a 40-ish married man whom I met through a work colleague. We’ve started an online-only sexual relationship, with plans to connect physically in the future. I’ve tried to cover my own electronic tracks—it would be quite devastating for my work life if my colleague found out that I was sleeping with her neighbor—so I’m not afraid of his wife tracing sexts back to me.
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