I peered into the 13.5” x 49.5” long mirror to notice my slightly-crooked red Target badge placed on the upper left side of my red shirt. Now, this wasn’t just any regular mirror. This was the last high in-demand framed door mirror that almost every college girl craved for. There were at least 10 people that came up to me searching for this that day. As I looked at my reflection in this mirror, I thought about how I would feel if I was about to start college in the next two months. How it would feel to take such a big step toward a fresh start. Would I really be ready? I barely knew how to cook instant noodles (a story for another time).
I carefully lifted the mirror and delivered it to an ecstatic girl wearing a Rutgers sweatshirt and shorts. At that time a year ago, I didn’t completely understand her radiating happiness. I had still yet to complete the daunting process of college applications, but the image of starting this new stage of my life was a little nerve wracking. There were so many things I needed to come to terms with: letting go of my friends, parting from my family, and leaving the comfort of the little bubble I had created around me.
A couple weeks ago, I stood in front of the Howe building and stared at my mirror image in its reflective black windows. I took a couple of steps around the corner of the building to find myself awed by the view of a number of skyscrapers lined up across the suspiciously brown Hudson River. Mesmerized by the amount of crooked buildings, I walked toward the view to find myself standing next to an old, black cannon that pointed towards the other pier. I felt like I was in one of those aesthetic TikTok videos that romanticized the city and created the image of an independent city girl (cue “Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush). There was something entrancing and inspiring about staring at such a view while the cool wind that carried a faint smell of fish (or was it the PCB in the river) gently combed through my hair. My family and I decided to take a random trip to campus during summer break so there was no one around me.
Just me, the city, the campus, and what I’m sure was a very symbolic cannon.
It was that moment when I truly understood the excitement of the girl wearing the Rutgers sweatshirt. Standing in front of a view that showed a world of opportunities felt surreal as there was a rush of mixed emotions ranging from gratitude to happiness to a sort of jittery exhilaration. There were so many thoughts and visions racing through my head: how I would spend my time at Stevens, hang out with new people while exploring the city, and overall start this new arc of my life story. I took a deep breath (mmm that smell) and remembered the reflection I saw in that long mirror. At that time, actually moving into a dorm seemed so far away and a little scary, but now that I had graduated and learned to let go, that fear was swept away to reveal pure eagerness.
When I think of Stevens, the images of that one random trip to campus is what I think of. Soon, though, I know the word “Stevens” will bring up a load of cherished memories and events—and that is something I can’t help but feel excited for.
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September 09, 2022 at 11:00AM
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A mirror filled with reflections – The Stute - The Stute
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